“First Year? Totally forgot..”

Just to make sure I’m not going crazy: Isn’t the general consensus regarding your first year of marriage is that it’s supposed to be your honeymoon period? Maybe a few variations, depending on  your mileage, but, I’m SURE that’s the general consensus.

That was NOT the case for us.

To most people, the first year of marriage is the time of the honeymoon period: You ease into each others lives, enjoying what is the bliss of each other’s company – living together. For us, it was more of a series of hectic and time-constricted appointments and deadlines that need to be made: First was a proposal in January… And then a courthouse marriage in February… THEN the WEDDING in April… THEN moving across the country in May… And finally moving across the world in August followed by a series of hangouts, birthdays, bar crawls, karaoke, tear fests, roommates, and endless nights of close friends.

Needless to say, our honeymoon period was more of a non-stop train of constant movement. Doesn’t really make sense? Well.. we can’t really make sense of it either! Pretty much our memories here in Japan have always been us being with our new-found friends. But, now that most of them are gone, we are once again reminded of the honeymoon period that we never actually had.

Now that we have this alone time together, I have definitely been reflecting on what I have learned about marriage in the past 2.5 years.

  1. He will be your rock. You won’t feel like this all the time but just remember he will always be there when you come home from your worst days and your best.
  2. He will not put away that glass or close the cabinet unless you ask 5 times, but before you get to that point you will probably end up doing it for him.
    • FOR THE GUYS: If you want to earn some easy brownie points, close the cabinets and put away your dishes!
  3. He will be the one person, who, no matter how gross things get, will still: A. Acknowledge your existence. B. Accept you for who and what you are – a human wife. (*written by the husband during editing*)
  4. He will be a video game buddy forever. He will definitely want to take the controller from you because you can’t shoot straight, but don’t let him! Keep practicing ladies! (Once you get good at shooting stuff, he might actually begin to enjoy watching you play for a change, and you will get to lean your back against his chest while you play.)
  5. Always remember to laugh. laughing will help almost any situation you find yourselves in.
  6. Learn what his needs are. This seems like an obvious thing BUT I am still trying to learn and keep up. So, if he is a massive stickler for communication and wants you to activate your read-receipts to show that you saw his texts,  then just activate it lol
  7. Don’t be a stubborn a**hole. This is something that has caused fights. My head is harder than a concrete wall supported by a world made of concrete. Once it’s in my head, it is almost impossible for my mind to change. Don’t be like me; just let it go. Trust me, it’s not as big of a deal as your stubbornness thinks it is!
  8. Get you a man that will help with chores around the house! Haha I mean he may not do them without you asking BUT if he’s willing to help then keep that guy around. Especially if he will take care of the house when you physically can’t crawl out of bed.
  9. He will be the ear that listens to your gibberish but won’t remember a word. Yup.. literally explained Christmas plans THREE TIMES. No improvements to be made on either side have been identified yet, but it’s worth mentioning. <– okay babeee…
  10. Keep the man who gives you the freedom you need, while also being able to keep you grounded so that you don’t redo the whole house 5 times a month. That’s Andrew. He has always kept a level head when it comes to spending and pretty much everything else in life. I, on the other hand, am very much the wild card. But having him around keeps me from buying a new bed every week because I keep finding a better one.
  11. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Still trying to learn this one… but talking is one of the most important things for a couple! If there’s no talking then there a disconnect. When there is a disconnect then other things start to fall apart. Don’t let it fall apart.
    • Husband Input: Words mean things. Not in the sense that some words might hurt feelings more so than others, but more so in the sense that, “You can find the medicine in the cabinet directly above the stove”, makes more sense than saying, “the medicine is in the cabinet”. <– going back to #6 🙂
  12. Last but not least, he can forever be the best friend you always wanted… As long as you can continue to be his, and vice-versa. Both of you should always be able to rely on one another for support and even advice (unless it’s girl drama.. then don’t come to him for advice haha) He is your husband! His life and your life directly affect one another.
    • With that, try to remember that your bad day was not his bad day. You might feel a little fighty when you come home, but find your outlet and pour into that. He will understand. When you are calm and able to talk, then come to him and talk to him.
    • Also, don’t forget about his day. Just because yours was bad doesn’t mean that his day was bad.

12 things because that’s where my number stopped and it seemed fitting because you know the first year, learning one thing a month. You get it 🙂 As far as the honeymoon-period we never got, I remain hopeful that our lives will slow down for long enough for us to get the opportunity to enjoy even a small vacation where we can simply enjoy each other’s company without interruption.

Anyways! More stories, how-to’s, and adventures to come!

xoxo, The Lintag’s

 

P.S. In keeping with the spirit of learning to listen to your husband’s needs…

Any input and advice your husband provides – even if it’s in the form of minor grammatical corrections and anecdotal additions to, say, a personal blog of yours – must never be completely ignored or erased.

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